Skip to main content

Advice: Goth Isn't for Grown-ups?

The lovely Lady Zendra of Noran over at Drones and Drabbles asked me for some advice the other day. I'd like to offer a solution, and hopefully my readers could comment with advice of their own for her as well.

She said, "My problem is that at 19 years of age, my parents are insisting that I "grow up" and give up my gothic clothing and interests. I simply do not agree that to be grown up, I have to give up these things that I love. I've tried to explain that I feel that I look beautiful in my darker aesthetic. How do I convince my parents that there is a time and place for certain things and that when I am out with my friends or in public I can wear what I feel comfortable in." 

It's such a shame that when some imagine an alternative person, they seem to think that there are no respectable adults involved. Your parents are most likely worried that your choice of dress and interests may affect the way people view you, which could also affect career opportunities, relationships, etc. They're stuck in concerned parent mode, but they need to be able to sympathize with you. Here's how I would go about making them see from your perspective:

  • First of all, always be respectful when you talk about this. 
  • Ask your parents why they dress the way they do. They might say it's because "that's how I feel comfortable" or something to that effect. To that you can say, "I dress for the same reason. This is how I feel comfortable presenting myself." Please make it clear, however, that your intention isn't to scare anyone off, and that you would dress "appropriately" for job interviews and such.
  • Ask them how they would feel if their parents told them they couldn't dress a certain way, listen to certain music, etc when they were your age. Tell your parents that just like themselves, you cannot help your likes and interests. 
  • It might help a little to show them some goth songs, maybe from the eighties, that they could identify with. Perhaps they might enjoy The Cure or New Order? This way, they could be able to relate to you better and understand why you like the things you do. 
  • Also, gently remind them that you are legally an adult, and therefore are capable of making your own decisions and dealing with the consequences. 
  • If in the end they can't see reason, well, you're nineteen. It won't be that long before you can move out on your own.
I hope this helped. If anyone else has something to offer, please comment down below.


Popular posts from this blog

My Mom Wanted me to Update my Blog

Well, I didn't plan to stop blogging. It just happened that I haven't posted in six months. A lot has happened in that time, and I owe it to my biggest fan, my mom, to post an update. Here it is, Mom!
I ended up going to a few more Goth club nights before I left Atlanta. I went with one to my best friend, who is pictured below:
Then I moved to rural Northern West Virginia where I can walk to water falls and hike up mountains. I live only 3 hours from Washington, D.C., so I've been there a few times as well. 

When Halloween came around, Ryan flew up to visit. We dressed as Titania and Bottom from A Midsummer Night's Dream and drove to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum for a Halloween Ball. The old asylum is huge and has beautiful Gothic architecture. We brought our own beer and walked around, ogling at the elaborately dressed costumers.

I even saw Robert Smith! He seemed very pleased that I recognized him.

Then, before we knew it, Christmas arrived. My roommates and I…

DIY Nose Chain

For those of you who've been trying to hunt down a nose chain, you probably know that they're difficult to find. Even online, there isn't a big selection. The ones I've found at a local Indian mall were pretty, but they weren't exactly what I was looking for. I finally decided it would be easier to make my own. 

What you need: Any kind of necklace chain (preferably lightweight)Nose ring (you can also make a lip chain if you have a lip ring.)Earring HookMetal loops (You might be able to find a couple on your necklace)Jewelry pliers (I used regular pliers, but it's a lot more difficult.)How To Make It: Measure out the length you want your nose chain. Using the  pliers, separate the chain to your desired length.Take the piece you need, and attach both ends to  the bigger metal loops.Attach one end to your earring hook and the other end to your nose ring. Make sure the ends are tightened enough where the nose chain won't come apa…

My First Time at a Goth Club

When I walked into the building for Ascension, a Goth/Industrial night, they started playing "This Corrosion." I was introduced to Goth six years ago when I listened to the song, so it was like the night saying "Merry Gothmas, Katie!" I'd been planning on going all week, but when Friday rolled around, I was so exhausted from spending the entire day getting a new car (my last one was totaled) and then visiting family with a long drive back. I came home and wanted to just take a nap, and after taking too long to decide, I got dressed and headed out the door. This past Ascension was the last one held at the Masquerade, a much-loved local venue, and I wanted to experience it before I left for West Virginia.

I'd known about Ascension for a while. One reason why I hadn't gone before this past Friday is because of being a student and having lived an hour away. It's a lame excuse. Aside from that, I told myself for years that I wasn't a cluby-type (alth…