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I'm Getting Married in a Month...and Musings about "Growing Up" with This Blog

Finally people have stopped asking me, "What are your colors?" But now they're saying, "It's getting close! Are you ready?"

I woke up a week and a half ago with tension in my temples and feeling like I couldn't get my heart rate down. I realized that it was probably wedding-planning stress. I've tried with all my might not to stress about the wedding, so much so that it's finally caught up with me, I suppose.

But, I made sure to de-stress over the weekend last week and get done what I could with my week nights and this past weekend. What will be will be.

I might be a married woman the next time I post here! That's an interesting thought considering I started this blog in high school. It's been less than a decade, but life has crammed so many changes into that short amount of time.

When I began this blog, I was an inexperienced teenager, enthusiastic about the Goth subculture, searching for kinship with others who shared my interests. It was a means of expressing my ideas and musings to the world while making virtual friends, since I didn't have anyone around me who shared those interests.

I felt a real sense of community with other "darkly-inclined" bloggers. Although I've let this blog go inactive on and off, it's still been something I've turned to with fondness. And although I may not be active in comment boxes, I still peruse all the blogs I used to frequent.

Since starting this blog, I've graduated high school and college, met my soon-to-be husband, went abroad, moved out of state, and moved back but into my own house with a good and steady job in my field to support me. There's been death and illness in my family and a lot of change in general. I'm sure everyone's twenties are characterized by flux.

Since starting this blog as a "Goth" blog, I no longer identify with the label of "Goth," although I miss being a part of the subculture, and I still go to concerts (and want to get back into going to Goth club nights). I no longer look remotely Goth in my opinion, even though I still wear mostly black or grey. And, even many of my interests and hobbies have shifted. For example, my paranormal investigation team has gone inactive, and I no longer participate in investigations (although I miss them on occasion). I still enjoy going to Goodwill, but I mostly browse for books; I'd rather read a good novel than sew and modify thrift clothes for a new outfit. My music tastes have expanded, although I still listen to a fair amount of "Goth bands" when I do listen to music (which isn't all the time anymore). 

Anyway, you get the idea. I'm still the same person, but change is natural and not something to be curbed. I still maintain Goth was never a phase for me.

Whatever happens next, I know this blog has played more than a small part in my "growing up." Thanks to all my readers, past and present, for encouragement, commiseration, and for giving my ramblings an audience.


  1. Awww! Congratulations! Change is such a strange thing when you're viewing someone through a computer screen. I've enjoyed reading your blog (it's one of the few I still frequent), so I hope you're going to continue it throughout all the new changes that come your way. :)

    1. I plan on continuing, although I may start another blog with a different focus in addition to this one. I still frequent your blog as well, and I'm flattered to know that you read mine, despite my neglect. We're about the same age and started our blogs around the same time, so it's neat to have that thread that connects us across the world.

      Having those connections and a space to express my passions did wonders for me when I went through difficult periods as an adolescent/young woman. Looking back, I wish I hadn't deleted a lot of my old posts though!

  2. That is exiting! I hope the wedding and all thing will go well and that you can find a piece of rest after the party.
    Thank you so much for commenting on my blog. I really appreciate that. <3 .
    Hey, I becoming 45 this year would consider myself as an elder goth, but you know labels.... I was into rockabilly in the 90's and came back to goth and a bit of metal. I love to dress myself in black but I can also pop up in a vibrant outfit. My spouse said that he could never figure me out because I showed up in a different style every time. I have never been to a club, mostly because I live in a small town and I don't like the "meat market vibe" on those places.
    If you ever start a new blog, please give us a shout out here so we can move along.

    1. Thank you for the comment! I've been meaning to post again about the wedding. It's been a crazy couple of months for us.

      When I was in school, some of the "alternative" kids would always say "labels are for soup cans." Well, if there's any subculture I identify with, it's Goth. Nowadays, though, I'm not so unencumbered. Looks matter a lot at my work, so I'm afraid to express myself too much. It's also a bit daunting. Part of the reason why I backed away from the label "Goth" is that it felt like a lot of pressure, especially since I have so many likes and interests!

      I loved going out to Goth clubs though, but I've been busy almost every Goth night my city hosts! I never got the "meat market vibe" at the ones where I live. Most of the Goths are a bit older and seem pretty relaxed. That way, you can dance to your favorite songs without having to worry about unwanted attention or drama.

      I love reading your blog, by the way! And congratulations on your birthday!


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