What Have I Been Doing with my Life?

I'd say, "Wow, it's been a whole year since I've updated my blog! Where has the time gone?" but I don't think that would be genuine. I know it's been a year.

On my long to-do list, blogging has been the very last item. Although, lately I find myself missing the semi-anonymous space and group of supportive followers to whom I could pour out my thoughts.

So, I'll give a Reader's Digest update of all that's happened since February of 2017:

1. I finished a tough year of service with AmeriCorps in West Virginia.
2. I moved back to Atlanta to live with my then recently divorced parents until I could find a full time job.
3. I did ghost tours and found a part time job making bubble tea.
4. I found a full time job in my field! I started work in Communications in December.
5. I moved into a house of my own.
6. I'm making plans to get married to Ryan (finally). The wedding is in late July 2018. 

Here's a more detailed account: 

I led some ghost tours again.

AmeriCorps was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm not even joking. I was under a lot of stress last year from my job as well as home—so much so that I got a nasty shingles flare-up. I battled loneliness and fatigue. I shed too many tears. Although, I [usually] managed to hold my broken pieces together during the work day. Psalm 88 became my overly dramatic battle cry for a while. 

But, through it all, I made some very close friends and grew as a person. I hiked, swam in secret swimming holes, explored caves, got to guest-sing in a Tridentine Mass choir, rode on 4-wheelers, tried deer jerky, and did a lot of other awesome crap that people who live in West Virginia get to do. 

I didn't love the harsh winter. I didn't love my AmeriCorps experience (although I am grateful for it). But I loved West Virginia. I find myself thinking about it often, and I even considered going back when I couldn't find a job. Ryan and I are even getting married there this Summer at our favorite church with our favorite priest presiding over the liturgy. 

When I moved back to Atlanta, life didn't get easier. I spent months looking for work and receiving rejection after rejection. I had no choice but to move back in with my parents, who are divorced and still living together (partly out of stubbornness and spite, partly our of necessity). The emotional intensity of that environment, plus my own feelings of inadequacy and failure, simmered together in one big pot of oppression stew. 

Then, one day, I got an email of interest from my current employer. They liked my resume. They found my portfolio "impressive." They wanted to meet me. Then, a week later, they called me to tell me I got the job.

The salary was more than I could have hoped, and the benefits are great. Since I've been here, I've been showered with free stuff (like the FitBit in the photo above!). I even get to use the employee gym and have access to free fitness classes. And, people at this job are friendly! I started to feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude. I wasn't used to being treated as someone of value in the workplace. I've never been seen as a professional until now. Now and again, I still get the feeling that this is more than I deserve.

But then something else happened the week I started my job. 

Ryan's youngest brother got diagnosed with Glioblastoma. It's inoperable. The doctors gave him anywhere from three to nine months. We offer up all our Rosaries and Divine Mercy chaplets to him. He is constantly on our minds. It's been a difficult journey for Ryan's family. Last I heard, the tumor has not grown. He's also made a lot of progress with his mobility and speech. He's not in pain right now either. These things are little miracles. Whatever the outcome, this is his path to sainthood. 

For months now, I've been finding myself with very little time. I've reached the stage where I have to decide how to spend what little free time I have. I'm evaluating my priorities and making personal goals. 

It's taken weeks of practice to
 smile and dance simultaneously.

My main priority right now has been wedding-planning. It's going to be a small and simple wedding, so this task has been pretty manageable. I've also been practicing for a charity ballroom dance competition through my employer. When I was asked to compete, I thought, "Why not?" I didn't realize how much of my time it would take. 

Because of the immense amount of time I spend either working or doing necessary life to-do's, I feel like I'm losing more and more of my identity and sense of purpose. Is this normal, readers? Do you struggle with finding that *something* that gives you a sense of purpose and zest for living? Tell me your secrets!